And even though they were in the same physical space, even though they sat but a foot or two apart from each other in the same bed, it was as if they were, in all actuality, worlds away from each other. There was a great sadness between them, they sensed it, and for some reason this sadness that kept them apart seemed to be stronger than love. Even if they wanted to say something, whatever they came up with died stillborn in their mouths. It was important that something be said, but a knot around their throats was choking them. So they sat on opposite ends of the bed, backs to each other. He thought only of the many bad things he'd done, and how much those actions had poisoned this person he so loved. He blamed himself, mostly. It was his weakness, his lack of character if you want to call it that, that brought upon these blunders, that led him down the path of temptation. He figured if things remained hidden, then all this would never come to pass. But truth has a way, quite like bad blood : it will always out.
It was hard enough admitting to those past misdeeds; he had regretted them a number of times before, but never moreso than now. Moreover, he could not put into words how ashamed he felt. It didn't feel right, he thought, that this cross he carried could so easily be explained. And even though he tried hard to form mere words into a coherent phrase, he'd often just stand looking at her, opening his mouth as if to speak, shutting it again, opening it once more, then finally giving up. 'What?', she'd often ask. 'Nothin'.', he'd reply.
But that had been long ago, really. What surprised her - and maybe even vexed her - was how fresh she had allowed the feelings to remain inside her. Was she not capable of putting things behind her? Was she not in control of herself? She thought she was, she really did. And then she realized that, pretty much just like everyone else, she is human, only human, after all, and that made her indeed a slave to emotional outbursts. Back turned to this man she thinks she loves, or loved, but she's not yet sure, she ponders all this. It is beginning to dawn on her that indeed, this is becoming too much to take, it's hard to bear, it's like wanting to scream all the time, and not being able to. Maybe if she hit him, or stabbed him, or hurt him in return she'd feel better. But she knew she wouldn't, not really. Likely never would.
He got up from the bed, and moved closer to her. He hesitated for a bit, it felt like she was going to do something, and then felt more at ease and said, : 'Hey. I'm, huh, I'm gonna go now. I'll understand if you never talk to me again. God alone knows that even I don't want much to do with myself nowadays. But I gotta tell you this. I will always love you, from the bottom of my heart. Only right now, right now it's not the best for any of us if I just stay and hope for the best. Clearly, you need something that I can't offer you anymore. You need something that you will only get with me leaving. But it'll come. And soon, this thing between us, this ghost that never wanes? Well, darling, just like me, it'll only be a bad memory.'
Come take me down to your heart of gold, and I will hear your song.
Cover me up in your fantasy world, where I can do you no harm.
And hold me now close to you, fear the thoughts I am sending.
Hold me now close again, this dream is almost ending.
Come take me down to your victory waltz, and I will break your heart.
Gaze once again at the promise we made, that I have torn all apart.
And hold me now close to you, as though we're still pretending.
Hold me now close again, this dream is almost ending.
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