Nobody has gained or accomplished anything

This week was very much so on the unpleasant side. Personally, I mean - and while I didn't feel cranky, I did feel deflated, defeated and sad. I'm trying to put things in motion that will maybe make things be better someday, but God alone knows when that might be. 

Day 162 - Loscil - 'Lake Fire'
There's a brilliantly funny sketch in the TV show 'Big Train' where this guy's on a pub with a bunch of people, and one other guy is saying something that the first guy thinks is really interesting and clever, and he makes a mental note to one day try and pass it off as his own idea, and obviously, when he does, it backfires on him completely and he ends up being ridiculed and lambasted by everyone around him. And it's so absolutely hilarious that you won't even see the punchline coming your way. All that just to say that many years ago my friend Rui was talking to me about Loscil (I think... I was very drunk... pretty sure it was Loscil, but then again maybe not), and I sort of remember him telling me something about this one album that had music you'd listen not on actual clubs, but rather this was the sort of muffled music that you'd hear coming from the inside of the club when the doors were being opened and you could just sort of make out what it was. At that drunken moment I found this concept to be amazing and to this day I'm not 100% certain if I heard everything he was telling me correctly or not. I might have misunderstood what he said or something like that. So cue to summer 2015, and here I found myself backstage of one of the biggest festivals we have over here, and Florence herself walks past me and I didn't notice her until someone points her out to me, and I'm hanging out with the Franz Ferdinand guys, drinking and eating like a lord, drunk off my feet, and I'm talking to their now ex-drummer Paul, and I'm asking him what I feel are good questions, like what inspires him, and shit like that. Then out of the blue I remember that convo about maybe Loscil I had with Rui years earlier, and I ask poor Paul if he knows them. He just sort of shrugs his head, and oh boy, on I go on this rambling, drunken tirade about music that you could hear on clubs, but not really on clubs, on the outside soer of thing, and soon enough he's very kindly telling me he has somewhere else he need to be. *Le sigh*

So, that all said, I finally listened to a Loscil record - and let me tell you this : I really liked it, it's really good, but the likelihood that I'll ever listen to it again is close to zero. Very ambient, very planetarium kind of music, like when you're looking up that dome and you see the cosmos and this chill music just leaves you at ease. Pretty good, liked it a whole bunch, I think I'll give it a good 8/10

Day 163 - Stars Of The Lid - 'The Tired Sounds Of Stars Of The Lid'

At the end of the day, there's just too much of everything. Too much content. Too many bands, too many movies, too many games, too many books, and there will always be a lot of things that just slip you by. You may even be aware of them, and somewhere deep down there's a mental note you made twenty years ago about how you should really check something out. And one of those very many things for me is Stars Of The Lid. Especially because over the years I've had a number of people telling me just how much I'd like them. And I remember seeing this record back at the music store where I worked at, and for some reason it - along with a record called 'The Troubled Sleep Of Piano Magic' by Piano Magic - always seemed to be calling out at me. And whereas the latter I'd come to get to know and adore, this one just fell by the wayside.

And just like the Loscil record, it was pretty good, I enjoyed it a lot for what it was - instrumental music, with some incidental bits thrown in, ambient tinged with some ominous darkness that you'd find in a David Lynch movie, but this record is over two hours long, and that, my friends, is far too much for me, so I'll be pretty content with finally just have listened to it. Like the Loscil record, I'll award it a decent 8/10

Day 164 - Labradford - 'Fixed :: Context'

Back when I used to work at the music store, I'd often take a gander at the section that housed this band's records and I'd think 'what a singularly stupid name for a band that is', I mean, who would make a portmanteau of Labrador and Bradford?

And this one was super cool post-rock in the vein of Mogwai, but with some Angelo Badalamenti vibes to it. Really good, I'll give it a rollicking 8/10

Day 165 - Pan American - 'Fly The Ocean In A Silver Plane'

A side project, maybe even the main project now of the Labradford mastermind. Similar, but maybe a bit more electronic, a bit more experimental. Albums that are under 40 minutes are always very appreciated by me, and this one is decent enough to get a 7/10

Day 166 - A Winged Victory For The Sullen - 'Invisible Cities'

I kinda cheated on this one, but not on purpose. You see, I was entirely convinced that this album was released by Kranky, their label. But apparently they also release stuff on Erased Tapes and Ninja Tune, who put out this one. But - spoiler alert - I ended up loving this one so much that I picked it anyway. It's stupid, but I had their whole discography on vinyl once upon a time, and yet I knew maybe just one or two songs by them. This one was just so incredibly beautiful, that I almost felt myself drifting away into the quiet of the night. It's a 9/10 all the way

Day 167 - Grouper - 'Shade'

So here's the deal : I've listened to a few songs by Grouper in isolation, and I've really loved them. She has this haunting, ethereal voice that just gets directly to your soul. But about ten years ago I tried to listen to a whole album and I feel asleep shortly afterwards. So after that I never tried again. And this one was so, so good - achingly beautiful in parts, dense and mysterious in others, it was quite the needed balm for my soul. It gets a pretty solid 8/10

Day 168 - Tim Hecker - 'No Highs'

And I finally got to Tim Hecker. He's a name that I've heard many great things about in the past, but I never felt the urge to pull that trigger. So, this one being an album that handles pretty heady themes - depression, anxiety, all that fun stuff - it's amazing just how those feelings are translated into music here. It doesn't mean that this is full of sad and miserable songs, quite far from that. What we have here is a collection of songs that at times can feel heavy, oppressive, a burden you feel deep inside, especially when you have those voices inside your head saying how truly worthless you are, and you feel crushed by yourself. It's confusion, it's disjointed, and it's pretty damn good. This one gets a very deserving 8/10

I don't 'know yet about next week- there are still a few labels I might want to explore. Two, for sure, those being Pelagic Records and Dunk! Records. I might also take a look into Temporary Residence, who knows?

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Twenty odd years ago, back when I was working at a big box store kind of thing, and I was working at the music section, I was one of the people responsible for restocking the pop/rock section, among other related duties. There were a few other sections as well, and most everyone there got along really well with one another. Every section had designated people who were responsible for it, and one of the sections that I truly and well despised back then was the alternative / indie section. Not only because when I started working there, it did not, in fact anyone really looking after it, which meant it wasn't particularly looked after and it wasn't really well stocked, but also because at the time I was still mostly into metal and EBM/Synthpop/Darkwave and all that shit. That'd soon change when thus guy I know came in from a different branch and started to really lift that section up, and eventually I started seeing things there that'd pique my curiosity. I'd also come to find out that quite a number of these bands shared a common identity, and very often, shared artists between many bands on their label - Constellation Records. 

Day 155 - Do Make Say Think 

I used to think I knew what these guys sounded like, apparently I knew jack shit. I absolutely loved this record and I'm certainly going to listen from more stuff by them. A 9/10 to start off this week was just what I needed.

Day 156 - Godspeed You! Black Emperor - ' "No Title As of 13 February 2024 28,340 Dead" ', yes, with quotes and all just to piss me off even more.

This is one of those bands where the hype is so immense that I... I just never saw it. I tried, I really did, but for some reason I just find them to be boring. So I tried again, and I didn't enjoy everything here, sometimes it irritated the holy hell out of me, but there are some brilliant, brilliant moments that just save the whole thing. Ehhh... I'll give it a 7/10

Day 157 - Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra - 'Fuck Off Get Free We Pour Light on Everything'

This wasn't bad, but neither was it great. There's some good bits there, but I didn’t really enjoy the fuzz of the instruments and neither did I find the vocals to be that good either. It's a generous 6/10

Day 158 - Fly Pan Am - 'Frontera'

This one was beyond good. It was unexpectedly amazing, and the highlights are the songs 'Parkour' and 'Parkour 2' - the first of which has these post-hardcore screams, almost black metal-ish that are just so out of nowhere that I couldn't stop being blown away by what I was listening. One of the week's bets, I'll give it a 9/10 

Day 159 - All Hands_Make Light ' "Darling the Dawn" ' , motherfuckers can you please stop putting quotes in your album's titles? Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? It would be much appreciated.

I didn’t love the voice, and when that happens, I rarely come to like what I'm listening to. That said... this is... huh. It’s different, good in spots but not great. Maybe a 6/10 

Day 160 - Black Ox Orkestar - 'Everything Returns'

This is a tough one, but more and more I find that there are things that are technically good, I just can't seem to enjoy. And this is one such case. But first, one thing : I tend to stay away from certain types of music - like Klezmer, Yiddish, Arabic, you know... stuff that has a cultural and religious meaning that I just won't understand. If I listen to it, I'll realize that, yes, this is something that's good, and important, and that probably has the weight of untold generations behind it, but... it's just not for me. Especially if, like in this case, the music does tend to get a bit more to the more sombre aspects of it. And what I found here, I found to be good - but I didn't enjoy a single second of it. The singer has a very good, very deep voice, and as I listened to his singing, I wondered just what it was I was reminded of, and I got a flash of Sopor Aeternus circa 'Dead Lover's Sarabande', and some of the lugubrious woodwind instrumentation reminded me even more of that band. Was this good? Yes. Did I like it? No.

I'll give it a 5/10 because it would be disrespectful to give them less than that, bbut I can't be moved to give it any more than that.

Day 161 - Esmerine - 'Everything Was Forever Until It Was No More'

I'd known the band by name for years. I probably even had all their stuff on one of my external hard drives once upon a time. And this caught me completely by surprise, it did. What we got here is something like the soudntrack to the saddest movie never made, quite akin to Clint Mansell's soundtrack to 'The Fountain'. They sound nothing alike, and yet they seem to share the same spirit. I really loved this one, and this week ends on a banger with the third 9/10.

Next week - Kranky. The label, not my mood...

All I had was the hope that pieces would take shape and we could watch them all fall into place

There was a golden age of online piracy for me, and looking back, it's funny just how much things changed and evolved for me in a short span of time. I wasn't there for Napster, mainly because at that time I didn't have a PC, let alone an internet connection. But everything that came after... I was there. AudioGalaxy, E-Mule, Kazaa, Limewire, and then DC++. And let's not forget that game changer that was torrenting. Anyhoo, the first person I ever knew with an internet connection was my good friend Sérgio, and it was in his place that I created my very first email address - one that I have not used since around the year 2000 or so - and then my good friend Hugo was the first one to actually download songs - the fabled 'MP3' - and build a library of songs on his PC. And so that's what I did until about 2003 - I'd just download whichever song I felt the need to listen to, the very concept of downloading an entire album was alien to me. Then I met this weird goth tryhard that could get anything you'd be looking for - any song, even any record. One day I asked him if he had such and such record, and he replied that he had the whole discography of the band. And I asked him what he meant by that. And he said he had every single studio album, every single live album, EP, single, bootleg, unofficial release, remaster, remix - you name it. Apparently this guy was downloading entire discographies just like that. Obviously, in the span of these few years, internet had moved from very slow dial-up connections to much faster broadband connections, and that made a ton of difference. 

Still, I wouldn't go all-out crazy on downloads just yet - no, it wouldn't be until 2006 when I bought my first laptop - and a little while later I bought my very first external HD, which was stupidly expensive. By that time I was downloading comics, movies, shows, music... I'd eventually come to have three or four external HDs completely filled with everything I could lay my hands on. Fast forward about four years, I'm living in London and late in the year I have a visit from a dear friend of mine called Rui - he'll be in a story here sometime soon - and we both have the same common interests, and we're talking about our downloading habits and routines, and he drops this bomb on me - he'd gone beyond simply downloading an artist's full discography, he was now downloading entire labels. He'd listen to the whole thing, keep what he liked, discard what he didn't, but he'd listen to the entire output of whichever label he'd download. And granted - we're not talking about labels that were incredibly massive, with hundreds or thousands of releases, but still.
Anyway, that inspired me to do something similar - I'll be revisiting a few labels that had plenty of stuff I was interested in way back then but that I only listened to like a record from any given band. First one is the long defunct label Anticon.

Day 148 - 13 & God - 'Own Your Ghost'
I remember listening to their first record ages and ages ago, it having been described to me as 'alternative hip-hop', and maybe it was boredom rather than curiosity that drove me to listen to it. I ended up really enjoying it, though not so much that I'd listen to anything else by them until now. This one sounds more like The Notwist - a band that comprises half of this project. There's some great glitchy moments, it's more electronic than hip-hop, though that element is still very present. Super good listen, I'll give it a whopping 9/10

Day 149 - Son Lux - 'At War with Walls & Mazes'
A band that I mostly only knew by name, and the odd song here and there - which I liked. I knew that eventually I'd get to them, and I have no idea why I never did before. There are some amazingly beautiful songs here, and though I didn't love the whole record, it's strong enough to deserve an 8/10

Day 150 - Themselves - 'Them'
And this is the other half of the '13 & God' project.
I'll admit that Hip-Hop is not my thing, I'm clearly not the target audience. I find my ability to tolerate more than a few songs in one sitting is very short, but I still found to be this one pretty good, pretty well produced, buy maybe just a bit too long - it's over an hour long. A good 7/10

Day 151 - Odd Nosdam - 'Burner'
There was a time when the name 'Odd Nosdam' was somewhat ubiquitous. You'd see the name in remixes, collaborations, music journos waxing lyrical about him, but I never cared to find out what all the fuss was about. So, not knowing what to expect, here I found myself enjoying this a lot - it's very much on the ambient side of hip-hop, closer to a DJ Shadow than anything else, really. I'll give it a respectable 8/10

Day 152 - Peeping Tom - 'Peeping Tom' 
Ah, 'Peeping Tom' - one of my favourite songs. That bit where he sings 'You're still the one who makes me feel much taller than you are / I'm just a peeping Tom on my own for far too long' sends shivers down my spine still. What? This is not about the Placebo song? No, this is about yet another of the infinite Mike Patton side project thingies. My hot take : I only sort of liked Faith No More, and I found most of what he did outside them to be fairly dull and downright annoying. And that description fits the bill perfectly for this record - it's dull and annoying. Just a 6/10

Day 153 - Why? - 'Elephant Eyelash'
The record begins with this nice, Matisyahu-like hip-hop song that I thought would set the stage for the rest of the record. And boy, was I was wrong - other than that track, there's very little in that vein. What there is, is oodles of a charming sort of indie folk rock that I really hadn't listened to since the mid 00s, sort of like bands like Oh No! Oh My!, and stuff like that. Granted, maybe because I hadn't listened to such an album in decades, this one felt real good and fresh to my ears. Probably the record I enjoyed the most listening to this week. A staggering 9/10

Day 154 - Baths - 'Cerulean'

Familiar name. Familiar music. Pretty sure I'd heard some of these songs before, probably when Zee and I were fucking each other's brains out. It doesn't really start too well, this album, I really didn't like the first track, but it picks up soon afterwards and turns out to be pretty decent. I'm guessing good enough for a 7/10

Next week, another label. Maybe Kranky or Constellation.

Towns that change their name and a horn of plenty

The thing about metal, right, the thing is that there are like a bajillion billion different kinds of genres, and whereas some you can kinda figure out what they sound like, others you go like 'ok?'.

And the - probably - stupidest name ever to grace a metal genre is... Djent. What? Djent. Bless you. No, no, I'm serious - I AM FUCKING SERIOUS - Djent. Where can I begin if not where this started?

Day 141 - Meshuggah - 'Chaosphere' 

I can't think about this band without thinking about a guy I used to know over thirty years ago. Late 80s/early 90s and I'm getting into increasingly forms of extreme metal, and there's this bunch of guys and gals I get to know through not only my then best friend as well as my mother's son. One of these guys is an older guy - I can't tell now how much older, maybe a couple of years more, maybe a bit more - and eventually he opens up his own record store - selling, you guessed it, metal records. Sometimes I'd run into him on the bus, and we'd talk a bit. So this'd be, I dunno, mid-to-late '95 and on one such occasion where we ran into each other, we start talking about what we're listening to. And I mention something - can't remember what - but something that to this guy sounded so inanely stupid or childish that he just gets a look on his face - you know the one, where you scrunch up your face, and you sort of tilt your head backwards and shake it in sheer disbelief of the idiocy that just soiled your ears, and he says 'I don't listen to that shit, I only listen to stuff like 'Meshuggah', and I instantly hated them.

Fast forward decades and I listen to 'Chaosphere', an album many regard as a masterpiece. 

Many, yes. But not me. This was bad beyond belief. An atrocity that defies description. So bad that the only that I can recall from this piece of shit is that it ends in - quite probably - the worst piece of muzak I have ever had the displeasure of listening to. Could only deserve a 0/10

Day 142 - Animals As Leaders - 'Parrhesia' 

It was through Rick Beato's YouTube channel that I got to know just how amazing a guitarist Tosin Abasi is. But I've never felt that urge to go and listen to his band. Of course, now it's as good a time as any. And boy - this is good - very, very good. BUT - it's got a very big problem. Two, in fact. I well and truly disliked the drums sound, it sounded way too tinny. Not tiny, tinny. And even worse? The bass sounds horrible. I'll give it a great 7.5/10

Day 143 - Periphery - 'A Pale White Dot'

Godddamn, talk about a missed opportunity here. When I first started thinking about this bit of the run, how could I not go for their 'Periphery V: Djent Is Not a Genre' album? Motherfuckers only went and released a new album after that one. So first thing I got was how this one starts almost like a black-metal record - blast beats, wicked riffs, and those scratchy screams... I loved it. But then there's a shift in the voices - it becomes clean and sort and whiny, maybe a bit too whiny at times. And then there are melodic bits that could've just come from a gothic metal thingy with a buxom lass singing. Pretty good, it deserves a 7/10

 

Day 144 - Tesseract 'War Of Being' 

Dull. Boring beyond belief. 1/10 

Day 145 - Volumes  - 'Mirror Touch'

I can't remember a single note from this record, but I remember feeling mightily pissed off after I'd listened to it because it made me feel like I'd just wasted forty minutes of my life. 1/10

Day 146 - Vildhjarta - '+ Där skogen sjunger under evighetens granar +' (Yes, plus signs and all) 

By far, the best listen of the week. I didn't like all of it, but what I did like, I enjoyed immensely. Clean and harsh vocals, sometimes reminding me of Solefald and latter day Enslaved, with the odd quiet bit here and there reminiscent of something by The XX. A throroughly deserved 8/10

Day 147 - Scale The Summit - 'Subjects'

So apparently this is an all instrumental band, and the album I picked was the first one to have vocalists on it. All different on each song, and some singers I liked, some I didn't. I found this to be just OK - nothing special, but neither did I find it to be offensive on the ear. It's a 6/10

So what the fuck is Djent, anyway? I have no idea, and I'm pretty sure I delved all I'm ever going to into this here topic.

You didn't see me, I was falling apart, I was a television version of a person with a broken heart

Of course I don't tell myself I don't deserve. Of course I don't. Tell myself, that is.
What I do tell myself is, there are those who deserve more, and so long as they are getting what they deserve, what they truly and richly deserve, then how can I be anything other than happy?
It's not that I don't deserve. Maybe I do, maybe not yet, maybe there's still a lot of atonement ahead.
Maybe. Maybe. Of course, maybe. Of course I don't tell myself I don't deserve.

Berenice, there's no release at all that's not worth dying for

True story, swear to God -  I had written a long ass post about guitar heroes/ gods/ whatever and just before I pressed publish one of my cats ran over my keyboard and something happened that deleted all I'd written and fucking 'undo' was undoing fucking nothing. Shit. Abridged version it is, then.

Day 135 -  Joe Satriani - 'Surfing With The Alien'

Easy 9/10

Day 136 - Steve Vai - 'Passion And Warfare'

Looking good so far, another 9/10

Day 137 - Yngwie J. Malmsteen's Rising Force - 'Rising Force'

Didn't love it as much as the other two but still pretty great 8/10

Day 138 - Liquid Tension Experiment - 'Liquid Tension Experiment'

Streak continues, 8/10

Day 139 - Santana - 'Abraxas'

Eh... didn't really like it, and that's ok. I'll give it a 5/10

Day 139 - Cacophony - 'Go Off!'

A two-fer, as you get both Marty Friedman and Jason Becker here. But the singer's voice ruins it for me. It's a 5/10 just because of some of the instrumental bits.

Day 140 - Gary Moore - 'Still Got The Blues'

I don't like blues. Never have, never will. The playing is great, but I just can't really enjoy this. A generous 5/10

Maybe some more guitar shit next week. Either that or bands from a genre I've never listened to - Djent. Which will be, in essence, more guitar shit. Oh well.

I don’t want to be a stranger in a strange land anymore

'So can you understand why I want a daughter while I'm still young?', but this was, of course, a lie, too. I'm no longer young, and I no longer dream of having a daughter, though I'll want one until the day I die. But then again, everything is a lie, and knowing that, being aware of that, it's the ultimate step towards the truth.

You don't know me, I'll tell you something about me, and then you'll know something about me, but never the full picture, because no one ever does. But I seek. I am a seeker. Not a seeker who's a lover, rather a seeker into the mistery, a seeker of the truth, a seeker for the truth. All is a lie. You think this is real, that life is real, that god is real? It is not. It's as transient as it is eternal, it never was, always was, always is, never is, never will be, always will be. It's Maya as the only divinity that does not lie to us, by gifting us illusion, illusion we accept.
I seek wisdom, here, everywhere and elsewhere. Wisdom I find in the words of others. One such pearl of wisdom informed me that energy doesn't lie. Oh sweet little girl, energy is the biggest of all lies. The father of lies. The source of lies. Energy is volatile and everchanging, it'll never be the same thing for long. It lies. It lies dormant. It lies active. It lies as it changes from one state from the other.
It lies, you lie, I lie, we all all lie, because if we ever told each other the truth, then that would mean curtains for us all, and so deception, subterfuge, illusion, those are the currencies of truth.
'I want to hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done.', and this was, of course, the truth.